Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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