He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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