Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
