I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
