if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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