You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
