Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
