sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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