doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
