I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
