Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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