I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
