I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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