You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
