It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
