My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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