I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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