So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You're like the curious george of whores
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
