you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
