he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
