Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just saw a hot homeless man
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
