one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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