i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
