Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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