when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
