I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
