I like to think it a success when the cops are called
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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