So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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