My first STD was from a foam party
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
