Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
