Please don't use social media to get back at me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize