the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
