life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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