So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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