Redeem this text for a blowjob
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
