i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
not ubering you a puppy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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