just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
