Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
