So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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