So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
