He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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