Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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