Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
