I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
