I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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