hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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