i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
