I just cut my nipple shaving
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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