Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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