Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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