He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
