so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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