My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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