she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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