dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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