i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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