The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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