omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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