Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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