my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
