I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
