Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
