apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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