The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
