I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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