its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
