Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
