Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
