oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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