My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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