just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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