doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
