I can tuck mytits in my pants
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
