btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
