i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
