Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
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Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
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Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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