happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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