I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
