Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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