Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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