You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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